The Fire In My Heart

Hi friends!

I'm back in San Jose, and I find I'm being much more productive because there is a fire in my heart. Its been burning there for a while now, but its too bright to ignore anymore. It started out not as a fire at all, but as a piece of wood. Slowly it began to get more wood, and then some pine cones, and paper, and then one day, hardly without me knowing, it was lit

on fire. God keeps feeding it and it keeps getting bigger and brighter, and now everyday I can safely say, "this is the hottest its ever been."

I'm going to share with you what this fire is, and I give this revelation to you in this analogy, because I know that those who know me will say its old news and I've gotten it before. It is old news, but in many ways it is new, because God keeps showing me more, and giving me a clearer vision for it. Also, I have to say that although its burning in me, this fire is nothing special. It is a fire God builds in everybody.

My fire is to befriend 'sinners' and give them whatever they need that I have.

When I was in Montana for the holidays, I came to the frightening realization that I had no idea how to act around non-believers. Why? because from the time I left MT. to half way through my visit back to MT( 4 months), I had not hung out with anybody but Christians. Sure I had gone on the streets and to the hospitals to pray for and heal non-believers, but I never actually spent time with them, and just hung out with them like a friend. You see Jesus wasn't known as the 'healer of sinners' or 'the miracle worker of sinners', He was known as 'the friend of sinners'. A friend is someone who sticks around. They are someone who comes to your house just to talk or share a meal. They are the ones you call when you are in trouble. They are the ones you can really trust, and the ones who trust you.

That is what Jesus was, and that is what I want to be. I long to disciple people. I long to give them what I have, because I know thats what they need. This is what I was made for: To love people to life.

I realized that I had been Christian hopping and even surrounding myself with "yes men". This is not healthy, because I was born to change the world, and how can I do that when I'm surrounded by people who don't need me. I have something to give, and am

continuously around people who don't need what I have. I want to connect with people who need what I have to give; what I am burning to give. Not many people. Two or three would satisfy this fire for now. Two or three people whose lives will be completely transformed.

This fire is burning so hot within' me that when I am in a setting in which I am surrounded by fellow Christians (whom I love) I find myself grossly unsatisfied. I have a need to give away this joy and love I've been given so freely.

The problem I have right now is how to befriend a 'sinner' in San Jose without going to school or having a job or a car. I have thought of many ideas, some more practical than others, but nothing that seems very workable. At this point I am seriously contemplating getting a job. However, since I don't have a car it might be kind of hard, but who said it had to be easy? If anyone has any ideas PLEASE share!

Much love to you all!

The Low-Down of the 1st Week

Restoratiiiiiiooooonnnnnn!
The intern sang as the top of her voice as she began her prophetic song for an unsuspecting daughter of God. Not long into the song the intern charged off the stage, still singing, straight for the receiving princess. The intern touched her and the princess shook and collapsed to the floor by the power of God. The intern continued to sing her song into the microphone until her word was done, and then returned to the stage where prophecies continued for other people.
This is the nature of the school I attend, and I continually realize its the nature of God, as well. He is so radically in love with us, and when his passion comes out through his children, it is quite a sight to behold. To have the heart of God, with his passions, and his Holy Spirit inside of us is what we were made for and therefore its also quite an experience to experiance as well. Its what you were made for. Its joy unspeakable.
The first week of BSSM hasnt even ended yet, and I dont know what to say...God has been breaking me, and molding me, throughing out the bad, showing me the good, and now I'm at this of continueous surrender to him. I am continually reminded how young I am, and how very little I know. haha And its so wonderful! I have no idea what I am going to look like by the end of the school year! I dont even know what I WANT to look like by the end of the year. All I know is that I'm not going to look anything like I look now. All I know is that I cant afford to take my eyes off Jesus, or let go of his hand. I dont know how I'm going to pay my rent, or food...I dont know what I'm going to do when someone asks me to sing a prophetic word to someone else, or how I'm going to get all my homework done...all I know is that I'm running after the heart of God no matter what, and at whatever cost. Thats the only way I wont have any worries, and thats the only way I will be happy, and fufill my destiny. The only worry I have is not knowing God. If you dont know God, you wont know what hes doing and therefore wont be apart of it, and thats just the beginning. Thats the greatest fear i have right now. And that fear only comes from outside of love, because God is love.
So what will I be doing in the next 8mnths? What will I look like at the end of it all? How am I going to get through this?...I have no idea. but I am captivated by the one who does. haha! So in the next 8mnths I will be filling you in on how that goes. I expect great things.