The Fire In My Heart

Hi friends!

I'm back in San Jose, and I find I'm being much more productive because there is a fire in my heart. Its been burning there for a while now, but its too bright to ignore anymore. It started out not as a fire at all, but as a piece of wood. Slowly it began to get more wood, and then some pine cones, and paper, and then one day, hardly without me knowing, it was lit

on fire. God keeps feeding it and it keeps getting bigger and brighter, and now everyday I can safely say, "this is the hottest its ever been."

I'm going to share with you what this fire is, and I give this revelation to you in this analogy, because I know that those who know me will say its old news and I've gotten it before. It is old news, but in many ways it is new, because God keeps showing me more, and giving me a clearer vision for it. Also, I have to say that although its burning in me, this fire is nothing special. It is a fire God builds in everybody.

My fire is to befriend 'sinners' and give them whatever they need that I have.

When I was in Montana for the holidays, I came to the frightening realization that I had no idea how to act around non-believers. Why? because from the time I left MT. to half way through my visit back to MT( 4 months), I had not hung out with anybody but Christians. Sure I had gone on the streets and to the hospitals to pray for and heal non-believers, but I never actually spent time with them, and just hung out with them like a friend. You see Jesus wasn't known as the 'healer of sinners' or 'the miracle worker of sinners', He was known as 'the friend of sinners'. A friend is someone who sticks around. They are someone who comes to your house just to talk or share a meal. They are the ones you call when you are in trouble. They are the ones you can really trust, and the ones who trust you.

That is what Jesus was, and that is what I want to be. I long to disciple people. I long to give them what I have, because I know thats what they need. This is what I was made for: To love people to life.

I realized that I had been Christian hopping and even surrounding myself with "yes men". This is not healthy, because I was born to change the world, and how can I do that when I'm surrounded by people who don't need me. I have something to give, and am

continuously around people who don't need what I have. I want to connect with people who need what I have to give; what I am burning to give. Not many people. Two or three would satisfy this fire for now. Two or three people whose lives will be completely transformed.

This fire is burning so hot within' me that when I am in a setting in which I am surrounded by fellow Christians (whom I love) I find myself grossly unsatisfied. I have a need to give away this joy and love I've been given so freely.

The problem I have right now is how to befriend a 'sinner' in San Jose without going to school or having a job or a car. I have thought of many ideas, some more practical than others, but nothing that seems very workable. At this point I am seriously contemplating getting a job. However, since I don't have a car it might be kind of hard, but who said it had to be easy? If anyone has any ideas PLEASE share!

Much love to you all!

I Fell In Love With A Sinner

Oh, my goodness I think I just discovered the meaning of LIFE! lol!

It was after Shakspear in the Park, and I decided I'd just hang out, and see if I could have some fun with people I might know there...ya know just spread a lot of joy, have fun, and maybe a lil' love..haha..to be honest I didnt want to spread too much love, because I know for that you have to sacrifice a lil' fun..haha..well the Holy Spirit inside of me had much different plans. =D So I go, and I cant find any attractive people that I can just have fun with...the only people I could find, that would acctually stay and hang with me, was this stonner, who couldnt talk about anything but booze and ecstacy. lol! So I'm hangin with him, and the HS get really excited inside of me! haha! and hes like



"I want to hug that kid" haha



so I went and gave him a hug, and......I couldnt get away from this kid! lol! Hes sittin there talkin about drugs and alcohol and probation, and all these horrible things that he loves, and I cant help but love him. Then this girl he was hangin' out with had to head home (walk home) so I walked with them as far as my car, and then I thought I should go home cause it was getting dark, and my mom, and I had to work tomorrow, ect...and as I went and got in my car and drove away, It felt like I was being torn away from the love of my life. I was tearing the HS away from the love of his life. We are one.



I didnt get very far. I HAD to go back and love on the kid some more. The HS couldnt stay away. So I parked and ran after them. Told them I just had to love on them some more. walked with them almost to the girl's house, and she says,



"Bob (being confidential for kid's sake), dont come near my house, because if my mom see you hanging with me, shes going to be really angry."



lol! so she leaves, and so I just tell him, that Jesus is so in love with him, and thats why I had to come back. So I could love on him some more..lol and hes like,

" oh, yeah, I love Jesus, too."



lol! So then I'm like, "well lets go to your house now"



, and he says something about a probation curfew...hes supose to be home by 10:00 and it was 9:30..lol and then hes like but my grandma says I can stay out till 12:00. lol! And hes like



" I'll walk witch ever way you need to go (compleate other side of the town from his house)

"are you sure?"

"yeah, dont worry, I'm really good at running from the cops."



lol! I didnt say anything, because I know people like him, they dont need good people to keep them "out of trouble" and in line with the law, they need people to show them the power and love of Jesus. lol! So we start walkin' and he's all tellin' me how marijuana is being grown everywhere in Fortine, and its dangerous to go exploring out there cause people could shoot you, but they have licences to grow. lol

I'm like," I know! everyone has licenses to grow and smoke now."Hes like "yeah, I was almost licensed. My doctor was going to give me a license, until her realized I was on probation, and so he said he'd give it to me when I get off probation." (this kid is 16)so I'm like," why was he gunna give you a license?"

"i have really bad back pain" he said.

"oh, well can I heal you?"

"haha..you can try.." (lol)

So I put my hand on his back and said "In Jesus name, pain go! Pain you have no more right to be in his back, so GO in Jesus name!" and ect. on similar stuff. =D

"does it hurt anymore?"

"whoa! that feels weird! It feels all numb!"

"thats Jesus healing you!" =D

"whoa...thats weird..."

lol! hes all movin around checkin' it out..."that feel really good!"



SO I start telling him the good news of Jesus! and that Jesus healed him because he loved him, and how he was healed, he was healed 2, 000yrs ago when Jesus died, the back pain is just the enemy, and Jesus lives inside of me, so I have the authority to tell it to leave..ect..good news. =D and hes like



"whoa! "Thank you, Jesus!"



haha..Wow. that was good! to hear him worship God. Thats what he was made for. =D haha..

haha..so hes all tellin me hes tryed EVERYTHING to heal his back, chiropractor, acupuncture, ...all this stuff, and he said up to that point marijuana was the only thing that made him feel better. Wow..first the enemy gives him this back pain, and then he gives him the only solution is a drug that will kill him. rrrrrrrr! thats just mean! Haha! and then the Holy Spririt comes, through me, and ruins everything..HAHa!



I gave him a ride to his house...I realize now I should have went in and met his grandma...and spread the kingdom...wow! How amazing that would have been! aarrrrrr!!!



i could sence the HS inside me was still sad to go...but my spirit had never felt to alive, refreshed! Like a genius who is hired as a grunt worker, running arrends and making copies ect, and is finally put into a position to use its genius-ness! And yet I know there is more! but wow! I've never felt soo much like a daughter of God! Never felt so much like a spirit! never felt so much like the enemy cant touch me...but more like he is compleatly TERRIFIED of me! I honestly dont think he can tell the difference between me and Jesus. HA! =D I've never felt more like I dont belong in a church! I acctually feel more like a princess on the steets loving on sinners than I do inside of a church doing the church thing. Its seems to me the bride of Christ is more likely to be found in the lowest places of the world, and among the least of these, rather than in a church building. Even as you look into the Gospels you will see that this is where Jesus was. I think Jesus feesl more at home on the streets than he does in church. We say we want to please God....Where does he want to go?...what does he want to do?

This isnt just for me. This is available to every person who beleives! =D Because those people have the Holy Spirit inside of them! Be aware of his presance! Dont live like hes not there..Hes always with you. Inside of you. Be AWAKENED! What I experienced is ment to be every beleivers reality. haha..It doesnt matter how you feel, it only matters what God says. Get into the word, and let its truth(not what u feel) become your reality. =D