As I sit here in the 4 bedroom house, I now call my home, inhabited with 7 other college aged girls, listening to Shawn McDonald singing "Home", my mind wanders to the days of pure innocence with my family and friends in Montana. How simple and carefree those days were! Its hard to believe they are only 2 months into my past.
Its rainy here in California, and the cozy sweater my sister, Catherine, gave me for my birthday last year feels very much like a hug from her. Its been a good all-day hug, Caddy. I'm very hesitant to let it end, and may just sleep in it as well. A dozen candles are lit around the house. The ultimate feeling is stillness (which is very unusual here) and only the faint murmur of conversation and giggles from my amazing housemates can be heard. Occasionally the door bell rings, telling us there are some children at our door wanting candy. We give some of the love we have before we mention the unfortunate news: we have no candy. Halloween, I was always taught, was the devil's birthday, and being a Christian was never allowed nor interested in being apart of it. However, tonight there seems to be a peace, and even an excitement in the neighborhood as all the houses are surrounded with families enjoying the sharing of their neighbors. Maybe, I think to myself, the evilness of Halloween has been another thing the enemy has lied about, and Christians have believed, when in reality, its bonding time for families across America, and a chance for people to be generous and share something they've earned with those who haven't earned it. Of course I know there is a lot of witchcraft done on Halloween, probably more than on any other day, but the majority of the celebration is rather epic. Seems to me, a good day to see a nation saved.
I'm realizing the value of good relationships. It is very strange living in a place where there is not one person you have a history with. No one really knows you, and there is no one to go to to just relax and have fun. How valuable good, close relationships are! I'm realizing it is better to have fewer friends that you are in close relationship with, than a bunch of friends that you hardly know. And good relationships start with a value for the other person. If you go into any relationship for what you can get out of it, that relationship is already not worth having. Love must always be our highest priority. =) While these relationships are still growing, I hear God say, "I know you, Savannah" And my comfort is here: in the arms of Papa God. He knows me better than anyone ever could, and He is with me where ever I go! =D
Its been really easy to get self centered since being here. A lot of the school is discovering who you are, and becoming the person God dreamed you to be, so a lot of the time I tend to be focused on ME. I've learned so much about myself since being here. Its very exciting, but it seems like the more I think about myself the less I think about others, and this is not what I was made for at all. I has made to love others. The people I am continuously surrounded by are overdosed on love, and therefore who I am is not valued. My essence longs to love on those who don't know love! To call out the greatness in those who feel they don't have value!
Also, the heavy schedule, homework, and the lack of privacy, has left me very little intimate time with Papa God. This is left me very sad, to say the least, and the school is not worth losing this...so something has got to change. I don't have school for the next 4 days due to a conference hosted by Bethel Church, and I am very excited about that. I look forward to spending an entire day with Daddy. And then I'll find some love-starved people, and overflow on them unapologetically! haha
One thing that fills my schedule these days is an outreach called Sidewalk Sunday School. This is where a team of us(4-5 people) go out into an impoverished neighborhood and build relationships with children and their families in that neighborhood! Thankfully, this outreach is not limited to a day, and we can go hangout with them anytime we want, and even more good news: I'll start in 2 weeks! That will cure my stagnant love for sure!
Most of the time I feel like I'm wasting my time here, and most of the time I wonder why I'm here. All I want is to be madly in love with Jesus, and show the world who he is, and who they could be. Its that simple. Why do I need this school? Its very strange...90% of what is taught or spoken of at Bethel is a part of me, but but 90% of the time I don't feel like I'm being me. I feel like I'm putting up a show to please other's expectations. This must be the "culture" continually proudly spoken of here. And yet, strangely enough, I know this is where I need to be for now. There is comfort in knowing that God knows what hes doing, and that he works all things out for the good of those who love him! I don't expect them to come easily, but I expect great things!