I'm back in San Jose, and I find I'm being much more productive because there is a fire in my heart. Its been burning there for a while now, but its too bright to ignore anymore. It started out not as a fire at all, but as a piece of wood. Slowly it began to get more wood, and then some pine cones, and paper, and then one day, hardly without me knowing, it was lit
on fire. God keeps feeding it and it keeps getting bigger and brighter, and now everyday I can safely say, "this is the hottest its ever been."
I'm going to share with you what this fire is, and I give this revelation to you in this analogy, because I know that those who know me will say its old news and I've gotten it before. It is old news, but in many ways it is new, because God keeps showing me more, and giving me a clearer vision for it. Also, I have to say that although its burning in me, this fire is nothing special. It is a fire God builds in everybody.
My fire is to befriend 'sinners' and give them whatever they need that I have.
When I was in Montana for the holidays, I came to the frightening realization that I had no idea how to act around non-believers. Why? because from the time I left MT. to half way through my visit back to MT( 4 months), I had not hung out with anybody but Christians. Sure I had gone on the streets and to the hospitals to pray for and heal non-believers, but I never actually spent time with them, and just hung out with them like a friend. You see Jesus wasn't known as the 'healer of sinners' or 'the miracle worker of sinners', He was known as 'the friend of sinners'. A friend is someone who sticks around. They are someone who comes to your house just to talk or share a meal. They are the ones you call when you are in trouble. They are the ones you can really trust, and the ones who trust you.
That is what Jesus was, and that is what I want to be. I long to disciple people. I long to give them what I have, because I know thats what they need. This is what I was made for: To love people to life.
I realized that I had been Christian hopping and even surrounding myself with "yes men". This is not healthy, because I was born to change the world, and how can I do that when I'm surrounded by people who don't need me. I have something to give, and amcontinuously around people who don't need what I have. I want to connect with people who need what I have to give; what I am burning to give. Not many people. Two or three would satisfy this fire for now. Two or three people whose lives will be completely transformed.
This fire is burning so hot within' me that when I am in a setting in which I am surrounded by fellow Christians (whom I love) I find myself grossly unsatisfied. I have a need to give away this joy and love I've been given so freely.
The problem I have right now is how to befriend a 'sinner' in San Jose without going to school or having a job or a car. I have thought of many ideas, some more practical than others, but nothing that seems very workable. At this point I am seriously contemplating getting a job. However, since I don't have a car it might be kind of hard, but who said it had to be easy? If anyone has any ideas PLEASE share!
Much love to you all!